Since Right Now

"Whatever it was, 'The Answer to Everything' wasn't memorable."

We talk ayahuasca, altered states, anger, our upcoming 200th episode, and the "Best Virtual Wednesday Night Meeting"—our chat …

"We should have named this podcast 'Trigger Warning.'"

Get turnt fam with this lit episode where the Recovery Squad talks NA beer, therapy, rehab, and …

"If you buy a car, make sure you can sleep in it."

The Indie Darlings of Addiction Recovery Podcasting™ are back after a two-week hiatus.

Jeff & Matt 12 Step a dude right in the face.

Are …

"There's a little leg hair on that acid."

Robbed at gunpoint, an unexpected diagnosis, being fired from a long-time job….life is what happens while you're busy being sober.

"The way you make them alcoholic is…you add alcohol."

In which Chris rants about Coca-Cola's new non-alcoholic adult beverage product line, Bar None, …

"It is a fire hose of insanity."

Anger! Anxiety! Social Media! Therapy! Resentment! Politics! Matt's back and we're all over the fucking place. You …

"Grandma's drinking."

Jeff & Chris take off the gloves and come out swinging in the one-nine.

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Themes: @djfmdotcom

"Let's eat at the Chinese place. No, I didn't relapse."

The boys end the year with whatever the opposite of a bang is.

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Themes: @djfmdotcom

"I think butt chugging was invented after I quit drinking…which I'm thankful for."

Some say "substance use disorder," some say "addiction." Let's call …

"I'm pissed off that you guys aren't looking for alcoholics!"

Our name is Since Right Now, Pod of Pods.

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Also Available on Apple Podcasts, …

“So we could still feel like we were living on the edge we had a designated driver who was drinking all night long.”

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Pop's Blue Moon (STL) NA …

"Give me something big and ostentatious because I want to make a scene!"

_________________

Patrick Holbert / Punch Line Drunk: A Sober Comedian …

"You know what would have been great? If you had turned into a werewolf."

The boys are back. Again.

But don't call it a comeback, we've been doing it …

How many special people change? How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were casting pod?

Jeff tries to convince Matt and Chris to go see A Star Is Born.

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…

"Then we got to the funny part where he took all the bottles of wine and locked them up in a cabinet in the basement."

Listener Lynne calls in and we …

"I don't think I can order a Shirley Temple for you."

Jeff, Matt, & Chris perform a vulgar display of recovery for your amusement.

In this ep.:
…

"I dunno shrink. You tell me."

Chris & Matt talk about fighting with —and having make-up therapy with— their therapists.
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• People Around the World Experienced Record Levels of …

"I had a pirate's booty treasure chest full of chips."

Matt, Jeff, & Chris doing what they do.

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Mentioned:

The Recovery Science Research …

“I’m just gonna do this to show all these bastards.”

The boys talk about the days right around their sobriety dates.

"There is no drummer."

Jeff's back!

Q's raised—or inferred—and likely not A'ed:
Are we ignorant of that which we speak?
Are we dismissive of others' recovery experiences?
Is The Fix owned by Big …

"We've got our horses in a row."

While Jeff's wagon train is still headin' back from out West, Matt and Chris sit around the campfire telling stilted, disjointed tales that only by chance …

"Right now they're talking about sarsaparilla."

Matt & Chris fly a "missing man" formation and revel in the fact that—despite the current state of …

"Where you goin'? I'll buy your drinks."

The Boys are back with the first episode of Season 5 and it wouldn't be an SRN ep without technical …

"Gee, Wally, I think this drinking's got me licked."

Jeff and Chris talk religion, AA literature, therapy, listener feedback, David Cassidy, dry counties, finally figuring out how we're …

"Stop talking to me Duran Duran!"

The boys chat about the coming revolution in psychedelic psycho-pharmacology to treat mental health issues including …

"I'll just drink at birthdays, funerals, and weddings." — Carl

Meetings, anxiety, non-alcoholic beer, life. And a listener, Carl, calls in!

"How did you know my name was Bro?"

Absence makes the heart grow fonder'' yet, 'out of sight, out of mind'? Stop fucking with us aphorisms!

Also, does anybody read the notes?

NOTE: This episode is almost unlistenable due to echo.*

If you can get past the fkciung annoying! echo you'll find Jeff and Chris pondering the very nature of existence.

NOT! It's just more …

“This is starting to sound like a ‘woe is me’ situation.”

In which Chris rambles on for half an hour about the woes of having to produce and engineer a podcast.

Also, with some sobriety, …

"We got a Jew, a Muslim and a Christian here."
"Next episode we walk into a bar."

The 3 Wise Guys, attempt to A some Qs from listener Trish in NYC. Qs like (and I paraphrase): What's up with …

"At 50, I feel the most numb I've ever felt."

Join Jeff, Matt, and Chris for another rollicking good time discussing, sobriety, recovery, and…feelings.

"Check out my obsidian collection."

Jeff, Matt, and Chris go through more listener mail and dole out nuggets of folksy wisdom.

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Support by …

"Of course (I'm drinking) mom! I'm drunk right now."

The guys open up the mailbag, taste Wellbeing Brewing's new N.A. Dark Amber brew, and get all hot about the Trump administration and its …

"We're here for fun, not for facts."

Chris goes to the doctor. Then goes again.

Article mentioned:

It Looked Like a Familiar Case of Depression, but …

"Ok, so, are you feeling better?"

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Themes: @djfmdotcom

"Welcome to fucking parenthood."

Kids. Amirite?

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Themes, as always, graciously provided by @djfmdotcom

"They'd have parties and people would come over and act weird."

Jeff, Matt, and Chris may or may not have just wrapped Since Right Now for 2017.

”We'll give him a 12th Step he'll never forget!"

Jeff, Matt, and Chris discuss the process of 12th Stepping someone (and possibly forming their own rogue, extreme 12th Step group,) we …

"You should have just hired a bartender to hang around with you."

In which we sample—live, on air—the first non-alcoholic brew produced by our own …

"I got in a ton of fights. I never struck someone…but I got beat up a number of times."

The boys consider every day practical benefits of sobriety and recovery.

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Themes: @djfmdotcom

"Alright! I'll believe in you God! Just fix the plumbing!"

Whether you're new to the pod or a longtime listener, we thought it might be a good idea to reintroduce ourselves to give you, the …

"I said, 'God, I'm not going to make any promises because every promise I've made, I've broken.'"

Legendary tattoo artist Freddy Negrete is best known for his pioneering black-and-gray …

"I had to get it out…because I had been so silenced."

Nikki DuBose a former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate, recently released her memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness …

“I really like not drinking now."

In and effort to have a "better than the worst" episode, the boys disucss medically assisted treatment, how to help a friend or family member we suspect of …

“If you were good at getting away with shit you wouldn't be (in prison.)"

Over seven days in 2012, Kasey lost his band, his home, and most of the …

"On a scale of 7 to 10, how depressed are you?"

Matt and Chris talk a lot about the podcast itself, gratitude, and the somewhat surprising lack of …

"How sorry are you that you didn't get on this ride?!"

Amy Dresner is a former professional stand-up comic, having appeared at The Comedy Store, The Laugh Factory, and The Improv. Since …

NOTE: The first 5 minutes of Erin on mic are VERY hard to hear her. Then it gets better. My fault. —Chris

“This is my life and it's a fight for it.”

…

"We'd be fighting right now in a gutter."

We finally turn the mics on about 2 minutes in and we talk OTC solutions for addiction and little bit of …

"If you're looking for context to solve all your problems, you'll never solve all your problems. You are the problem."

The guys talk about anger and …

“Could I kill myself without it hurting? Or go to Europe and change my identity?”

Michael King is the National Director of Outreach & Engagement …

Jeff's back, Matt's out, plant medicine is discussed and stick around to the end for a very special surprise guest.

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Themes: @djfmdotcom

"Plant-based medicine is the new paradigm in treating addiction and depression."

Scott began his career in the healing field, utilizing his inherent intuitive gifts as a life coach and sober …

"I was so horribly offended—like she had accused me of pedophilia. Me?! I don't need one of those meetings!"

Rea Bochner is a writer, musician, and mother. She wrote her first haiku in third …

Nelsan Ellis, the shaming obituary for a great-grandmother, the immediate intimacy of Friends (and acquaintances) of Bill, and much, much MORE!

Hey, look! It's the first episode of Season 4! With Refuge Recovery founder, Noah Levine! Exclamation point!

About an hour after the show ended I got an email from Alice apologizing for getting her days mixed up. D'oh! With HP as my witness, she will be on …

The boys went to a Refuge Recovery meeting and found it refreshingly light on the dogma and heavy on the karma.

Contentment. A great feeling? Or, the best feeling? Also, alcohol causes cancer.

Matt & Chris cover a wide range of topics. Did Matt ever score on Silk Road? Can shrooms cure alcoholism? Are we cynical assholes? Find out the …

Scott Steven of TheAlcohologist.com joins us to discuss the health risks of alcohol and it's impact on healthcare and society.

Are non-alcoholic beverages only for non-alcoholics? Burning question? Or burning desire?

Just the boys again, talking the Trump administration's …

"I need to remember how bad it was and how bad it could have been.”—Chris as his 20th year of sobriety nears.

Jeff & Chris discuss long-term …

"Fuck, I'm Ben Affleck."—Chris on our sobro casting in our Since Right Now biopic.

Chris is back from Europe and the gang's back together! Topics: N.A. beer, Brad Pitt, anonymity, and more!

“Please listen responsibly."

Some old favorites are back again: depression, anxiety, resentments, to go to meetings or not, what we drank—or didn't, …

“You have to put a wall around Purdue Pharma."—Jeff on preventative wall placement.

The boys discuss Buddhism and psyche themselves up to go to a Refuge Recovery meeting, they express …

"My dad asked me if you could go anywhere and do anything, what would you do? And I said, I'd go back to bed."—Wilson on depression in early recovery.

"I couldn't just run two miles, I had to run a marathon." —Jennifer on her 'all or nothing' nature

Jennifer O of The First 500 on The Recovery …

"The personal is political."

Jeff, Matt, & Chris break one of the taboo topics on the show and discuss recovery in context of the current …

Depression! Anxiety! Panic Attacks! It's all here folks.

Themes by @djfmdotcom!

"(I was) having these moments where things were going really well and then things weren't going well and I didn't know why they were not going well.…'cause I thought I was trying." — Andy …

Do I really have to spell it out for you?

“You can’t fight your way out.”

Chris on the fight-or-flight response to situations that trigger his social anxiety

Get a pen and paper and make your own liner notes. Fun for you!

“It keeps a lot of people out.”—Jeff on the dogmatic requirement of a higher power in AA

Jeff, Matt & Chris try to figure out what the difference is between religion and spirituality; if …

”I'm a woman, I'm good with that.”—Claire
”Not everything has to be a perfect experience.”—Kristi

Claire Rudy Foster & Kristi Coulter back again.

…

Jennifer is author of four nonfiction books about body, mind, and human well-being, including the just-published Sex in Recovery: A Meeting between the Covers, as well as The Recovering …

“I grew up in an alcoholic home so I knew what alcoholism was but I didn't ever talk about it. So I lived in denial for 23 years."

Advocate Annie …

REEEEEEEEEEEE-MIIIIIIIX!!!!

“When you're not partying anymore, all the problems that the drugs were masking, that the alcohol was masking, they just …

“I don't even know what’s wrong. Career? Love? Money? Who the fuck knows?…I want to do something dangerous.”
—Real talk from Jeff

It was the best of episodes; it was the worst of episodes.
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We had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the …

“It was the loneliest, saddest little episode."
—Matt on the last time we recorded without Jeff

Chris and Matt concur that neither is depressed or …

“I could just drive over (to the liquor store) and nobody would know.”
—Kera on alcohols long reach

Kera Yonker is a Californian and quasi-New Yorker …

After two false starts Jeff, Matt and Chris spit hot fire over a sick beat. Well, we ramble semi-coherently for about an hour on a variety of topics—not the least of which being Chris’ meds.

Yo! Chris is taking his show and going on vacation. For a week. Back next Wed with an all new show LIVE on Mixlr.com/sincerightnow @ 8p Central.

Call 507-556-7271 to leave us a VM and your …

"I'm not 21, so I can't (drink.)"
—Tammi on following the rules
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Tammi hasn’t had a drink since February 3, 2015. She is a former wine …

“To walk around in an altered state and have that other eye…it made me feel safe and it made me feel very powerful. And I dove right-the-fuck in.”

…

“I woke up in the hospital…my stomach was…bleeding. My heart had shut off. But a few days later I drank again.” —Charlotte on the tenacity of denial in addiction.

On day one of her …

“There were mornings waking up (with) no clue what happened last night but it was never something at that point where I would think I should stop…or …

"I was high when we talked if I recall correctly."
—A live caller to the BIGGER, BADDER, BOLDER, LIVER Since Right Now.

Tune in to find out who…

"It as always more about the destination than the route."—Matt on "getting lost."

Part 1 of our two-part 2 Year Anniversary LIVEstravaganza.

Beginning with this episode the show will be …

"I need help. I need a miracle."
—Carly on coming to believe that a power greater than herself could restore her to sanity.

As an avid traveler, yogi …

“I decided to start taking random pills from the pharmacy where I worked.”—Erin on adapting to her circumstances.

Erin is a recovering addict, personal trainer, freelance writer, and blogger …

“I remember waking up the next morning, there was blue paint all over my nurse’s costume, there were chicken nuggets on the terrace…”
—Helaina on the makings of a memorable rock bottom.

…

"…and then I realize I sound like a tremendous dick.“—Chris, in the rooms.

In which Chris goes to listen to Jeff speak, doesn't know what the fuck is going on and ends up speaking himself.

…

"Everyone knew what they were going to be; I had no idea. Then as soon as I drank I was like THIS is what I'm going to be."—Mishka on career choices.

A misfit kid at the best of times, …

“I just had a doctor's appointment and he asked (about my family history.) I said as long as mental health isn’t involved we’re pretty healthy.”

…

“I was hungover for many years and I just thought I was tired.”—Kristi on the self-delusions of the active alcoholic.

Kristi is an essayist and …

“I didn't come crawling into an AA meeting thinking, ‘Oh, I've got to quit drinking.’”—Nancy on denials last gasp.

Inspired by writers she admired for their honesty and grit—Joyce Maynard, …

“I didn't start dealing until my dealer went to jail.“—Kelly on rising to the occasion.

From Kelly:
Now, after a relapse and fresh out of out-patient, this time feels different. I feel this a …

“I hit another rock bottom about two and a half years into sobriety that was probably worse than before I got sober.”

As a recovered alcoholic and …

“We both lost our mothers to their disease at 47.”
—John on how this disease infects the family tree.

John and Adrianne are the co-authors of The Painting and The Piano, their improbable …

“I was really treating all the guilt, shame, regret, and fear with alcohol.”—Rosemary on self-medicating

Rosemary, sober since 1999, understands the …

"This shouldn't be this fuck*ng hard." — Matt

___________________

Themes: @djfmdotcom

Cover: Frank Harbert and Fred Zwickel at Mill Creek Watershed / …

"Seeing the chaos get worse and worse I knew that I had to change." —Dustin

Dustin is an advocate against the "War on Drugs" and is helping the addiction community fight against the horrible …

"Don't you go changing on me alcoholism."
—Matt on the affirmation of hearing other's recovery stories

The boys strap on their waders and step into a …

"I remember the pharmacist—or the guy in the white coat—he goes, 'Is there anything you need?'…and I said, 'No.' Then he goes, 'Is there anything you don't need?" —Matt in Mexico

Matt is the …

"When we were drinking, each day (looked) a lot like yesterday."—Simon on his and Kendra‘s drinking years together.

After years of drinking together, Simon & Kendra got sober in October …

"I was on (an) emotional relapse and decided to take a yoga class. And that yoga class kind of unwound me and I was able to tap into some storm that was brewing inside me."—Kyczy on the …

"I decided to pick up, and I decided to do it by announcing it to a group of people, and they all toasted me out of the program with a very expensive bottle of wine."
—Natasha on "graduating …

"I had to take a water bottle filled with vodka with me just to get through the day."—Jane on getting through the day.

Jane is @yujachingu on Twitter

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Image: drink me …

"(The relationship) helped me realize just how edgy, dark and hard I wasn't."—Chris on being in over his head.

Jeff listened to @thishomepod Ep.22: …

Please, visit us at TheRecoveryRevolution.Online
See you next year!

/fist-bump-sparkle-explosion
Shaggy, Professor & Ol' Dirty Blue Eyes

"I remember thinking in my drunken stupor—and quickly suppressing (the thought)—that I had an issue."—Chris on Since Right Now

Show notes:
Take notes. Use Google.
…

"Some people miss the bottom." — Aaron on SRN

The enormously talented Aaron Lee Perry of SobrSoldier.com (and recent cover feature on …

"My recovery evolves all the time. It's important for me to give back what I have received."—Nicola on SRN

@nicola-o-hanlon has been in recovery since …

"You were a master of self-sabotage."—Tim

Tim, a normie, has know Chris for over two decades. He has seen Chris at his worst in active addiction and he was the first person to see Chris on …

"Fu*k Ram Dass."—Chris on SRN

Nothing you know about anything is right and everything you know about everything is right.

This is an episode where it is highly recommended that you take what …

"It doesn't matter if you're not sleeping on a park (bench)…or not driving your kids to school with vodka in your coffee mug…or whatever is your 'I …

"You start to realize just how many (social activities) are really just about getting super hamskied."—MATT

The Sober Squad™ does not boldly go where …

"I was one of those drinkers that blacked out the first time I drank. I thought I wouldn't drink again. Three days later I did."—Jo on SRN

Jo is just …

The Recovery Renegades™ return to tell tales from the frontlines of the Recovery Revolution™ .

TL; DL
Jeff loves everybody.
Matt makes lemonade after …

"I had to figure out a way to be (sober) around (alcohol) constantly."—Scott (restauranteur) on SRN

Torn Together is a memoir, written by recovering …

"It's become really important to me.…I can count on the best cup of coffee I've had all week and I'll probably get the best laugh I'll have all week…" —Matt on SRN

We intended to do a live …

Brian's recovery journey took him through clinical depression, twenty-seven years of eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, alcohol and drug …

"As it progresses it's like an animal that you have to take care of all the time…and you really can't do anything else."
—SPM on SRN

Sean has been a writer, humorist and storyteller since he …

"On the fourth we're going to stand next to each other and be like, 'Do you believe this?'"—Donald on SRN

Donald (Ep.1523) joins us this time in his …

"I think I was drinking suicidally from day one where I need to drink myself into oblivion and not feel or remember anything."
—Jill on SRN

Jillian …

"I spent all the kids’ Christmas money. I got drunk. I took all the money that my wife and I had saved. I was supposed to be picking up some big gifts a couple days before Christmas but …

"(The counselor) had me go through the "Are You and Alcoholic?" checklist…and I said 'yes' to just about everything and I think I said, 'But I don't …

"There's no reason to wait until you're in a public park with your pants around your ankles to be like, Wait! I should quit drinking!"
—Sacha on SRN

…

"I would quit for a few weeks or a month and congratulate myself on not being a cocaine addict and then I'd go back to doing it."
—Anna on SRN

Anna, …

"You get sober and you realize that person you were pretending to be you actually are." —Sarah on SRN

If you've read Sarah's beautifully-crafted …

Donald has over three decades of experience in politics. His work has combined communications, field, electoral, and advocacy experience. He's also …

SPECIAL EPISODE
Three dudes in a car on the way back to STL from Akron talking about their experience at Founders' Day on the 80th Anniversary of …

WIN A COPY OF SOBRIETY: A GRAPHIC NOVEL
Leave a comment or review on SoundCloud or iTunes between June 11 and June 29, 2015 for a chance to win 1 of 2 copies we're giving away. Drawing on …

Whence the AA hate? Recovery is a spectrum with highly-personal stories along it's length. Why must one person's experience necessarily be another's.

Even as a #nonAnon Chris doesn't get the …

Shot Out of A (Water) Cannon.

Wes is quite literally a man on a mission. Just 10 months sober, he's working with a fervor to carry the message while he carries (his) water to the recovery …

Sobriety does not inoculate us against the trials and tribulations of life. We use the idea of "Maintaining long-term sobriety through life-altering …

"Paul" is a recovering alcoholic, currently following a PhD into the neuromechanisms of addictive behaviours. His own experience of recovery, coupled …

Jeff, Matt and Chris have all spent rather lengthy segments of their respective careers creating advertising and promotions for alcohol. We've worked …

Flatulence, Opioids & Abraham Lincoln. One of these things is not like the other.

100Pedals.com / Dave Cooke

Opioid Misuse In Chronic Pain Patients …

We had an absolutely terrific chat with Magz, Chris shares the bit of familial closure he got this past week and we tease Episode 1515. A Very …

Thanks to technical difficulties we have the first part of our first two-parter. And our first cliffhanger!

Dave knows first-hand the "confusion, …

Jeff, Matt & Chris return refreshed and renewed with a wide-ranging, edge-of-your-seat recovery chat. At times aimless and unfocused and at times meandering across barely-related …

Three friends in recovery from alcohol and other drugs talking about it.

Clip: It's A Wonderful Life / 1946 / Liberty Films

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."—Not Albert Einstein*

In the interest of …

In which Jeff, Matt and Chris discuss getting sober, staying sober, triggers, N.A., rehab and more!

Bad attitudes and “banal platitudes” in recovery.

Referenced:

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself / …

Ep. 1502
Recover, Rewind, Review
Clean and Sober

In which Jeff, Matt and I discuss the 1988 Michael Keaton rehab/12 Step classic then finish with an extended discussion that covers the 12th …

Tell A Friend…Seriously, Tell A Friend.

Thanks for sticking with us while we took a couple of weeks off to deck our halls, roast our chestnuts and dash through snow laughing all the way. …

"No matter where you go, there you are." — Buckaroo Banzai*

Jeff and Chris are joined by episode 22's Matt and episode 16's Marilyn for a super fun …

Jeff and Chris welcome (back) their long-time friend from a stint in the wild. In Matt's story relapse is indeed a part of recovery.

REFERENCED
Legal …

Jeff & Chris talk about being sober during the Holidays.
Our new segment, 100% Volume by Alcoholics (with Marilyn Spiller of …

In his riveting visit with us, the deeply-thoughtful and erudite Jon G. takes us to and through his recovery up to this point and gives us a glimpse …

Joe, who got sober in his teens and is about to celebrate his 38th year of sobriety this month, is a man of many hats and talents. Joe’s a recovery trailblazer in the vanguard of those …

Waking Up the Ghost? I’ll let Marilyn explain:

“… the first time I heard that expression, I was sitting on a deserted island in the Exumas, with a jaundiced Bahamian named Sands. I think it …

Chris goes to his second, Jeff takes someone else to their first and the 12th Step seems to have been the one that in one way or another got us each to our destinations.

Referenced

The 12th …

SOMETIMES YOU DO GET A SECOND CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION.

In which the S.O.S meeting Jeff and Chris set out to attend is not the S.O.S. meeting they find. Which then leads Jeff to …

One of Those Three Is Not A River In Egypt.

We talk about all three.
Also, the question is raised as to whether Chris may be a narcissist.

REFERRENCED
• Denial In Addicted Family Systems / …

Sober Dates, Slips, Relapse, Second Stage Recovery & Step 9

The second episode to solicit topics via Twitter is the first to be informed almost …

Anonymity. Shame. Stigma. Ain't nobody got time for that. Chris and Jeff talk about it.

Referenced:
How Addiction Really Affects The Family / …

After a brief "celebration" of Chris' Sober Birthday (9.1.97) Chris and Jeff talk about the challenge of a family get together when there's an …

We briefly consider how we, as addicts, feel about the terms used to describe us. By others? By ourselves? Then we consider—at length!—what's up with addicts so often being plagued by …

Jeff and Chris chat—and laugh—about getting to the truth in recovery (both in general and in the context of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous,) …

Longtime-friends, Chris and Jeff, have over 30 years in relapse-free recovery between them. In this episode they continute to each learn a bit more about the other's recovery. The emotional …

Meet your co-hosts, long-time friends, Chris and Jeff, as they discuss how they got to right now. Jeff, the one who just celebrated 14 years of sobriety, has been goint to AA since before …

It began not with a bang, but with a whimper.

I have exhumed the very first expression of Since Right Now and have recommitted it to the record for posterity and the completists.

Recorded on …